One of the most basic rules I learned when I was young was “finish what you’ve started”. I always hated that because I don’t finish many of what I decide to work on. I’ll get bored and move on to the next soon enough. I was told over and over that I won’t get anywhere if I kept on doing that. And they were right. I am definitely not getting anywhere.
When I was in kindergarten, I remember an incident wherein I copied sentences from top to bottom instead of left to right. This left me with the article, the subject, and the verb but I didn’t finish copying the last “column” of words so all of my sentences were incomplete. I was scolded because I wasn’t able to work on my homework and they asked me why I wrote that way (why not?).
Most people got it right though. They wrote sentences as they should. And they are going somewhere with their 9-5 jobs while I am as unstable as ever. They have had promotions and raises that I can never have. And they’re very good at what they do because they have been doing it for some time.
Meanwhile my creativity brought me in limbo(hurray!). I do all kinds of stuff and take on various roles yet no label is ever fitting. My credentials are just not good enough. I’m still very much an amateur in my endeavors. I lack the focus, the training and the experience.
I still don’t get it though. Why should a person be limited to a profession? Why should you be inclined to do only certain things? Does ambition have to be so… boring? I mean, does a person have to be one-dimensional? Can’t we be more than that? Can’t a person be everything?
I suppose not. But I’m not saying I can will myself to be more “determined”. I will always be helplessly curious. I will always get distracted. I’ll never reach my goal because a thousand is equal to none.